With an imagination this untethered and this fertile with possibility, it never, ever occurred to me to stop dyeing my hair – even as a bad idea.
I got my first gray hair at the age of 19 and most of my adult life, I was a happy, unquestioning slave to the silent demands of my hair.
The birth of ‘The Idea’
Rewind to 2015.
I’m in my early forties and my self-torture-via-hair-schedule looked something like this:
Day 1: Dye hair, ignore hair for the rest of the day OR spend day viciously rubbing dye-stained forehead ’till skin is red and raw.
Day 8: Enjoy about a week of peace until the George Clooney thing starts to shine through again (which is great if you’re George Clooney, but not great if you’re not).
Day 14: Start hating the thought of having to waste another hour or two of my life in another hair salon (some girls love it – I don’t).
Day 21 (AKA ‘Day 1’): Submit to another hour or two of sitting in said salon, wishing I was anywhere else, scalp drowning under a blob of gunky chemicals which are making their way towards my brain with a smirk, no doubt trying to decide which future health troubles would be the most fun to cook up…
Why is Loverboy in my gray hair blog?!
The other thing that happened three years ago was the entry of Loverboy into my life, showering my horizons with a kaleidoscope of new thoughts and ideas, as it often happens when two aliens finally meet.
One of them was about embracing my hair just the way it is.
Wait, what??
Was that even an option, a possibility, a choice?
Like, who did that?
Being a very keen student of life, I adored adding years to my life: The peace that comes with wisdom, the good memories, the give-and-take of love, the precious, painful lessons–oh, I was up for anything getting older and wiser had to offer… But the silver ‘crown of wisdom’? That I buried under layers of dye every 3 weeks.
Open your mind to open magical doors
Ideas are like magical doors–if you are open to them, they open up for you and you never ever know what wondrous journey lies in wait on the other side. This particular door, I’d never realized was even there…
Slowly, over the next 2 years, the idea started to intrigue me.
Facebook, Facebook (another group), Instagram and Pinterest showed me how it might look (I’ve linked my favorite pages and my modest Pinterest board too).
The stunning silver foxes sharing their stories told me how it might feel.
Meeting a lovely lady called Gabriella with beautiful black-and-silver hair that cascaded from her head down below her shoulders like a waterfall–shining, healthy, vital–mesmerized me.
Common sense, inner peace and healthy living cheered me on.
So did dear Loverboy, in his gentle, unobtrusive way.
I mentioned this to very few friends before I made up my mind. Most of them were really not keen on the idea and found very kind and loving ways to say, “NOOOOOO DON’T DO IIIIIIIIIT” without hurting me (special mention to my darling soul sister Samira–who lives in Dubai–who first symbolically fired herself as my hairdresser in protest, then came up with many wonderful ideas about what I can do to make the grey look look good).
Overall, the nay-sayers were actually really sweet and I was deeply touched at how delicately they handled my feelings, even though these things don’t really rattle me <3
The other few, like me, were not quite sure because they, like me, hadn’t even considered it as a possibility.
Only Loverboy, my bestie Anita and my new friend Lauren (who is a hairdresser) were really excited about it.
I took it as a HUGE compliment when Anita messaged me this meme saying, “That’s gonna be you baby”.
The decision and the plan
I was slowly, willingly getting seduced by this idea.
It was now the 7th of April 2018.
I was now in my mid forties.
On that particular day, for no particular reason, something clicked and I knew I was ready to commit to that sprinkle of silver.
The deal I made with myself was this: I would NOT touch my hair or question my decision for at least 5 months and I would NOT make a final decision before 10 months. I knew from the silver foxes who shared their stories and photos on social media that you need to either get a pixie cut or really push through until your hair has grown a lot before being in the right place emotionally and practically to make a healthy decision. My hair grows really fast so I figured this would be sufficient.
If I hated it, I would dye it again (to purple, of course). No biggie.
The journey begins
I had actually met Lauren as she was a highly recommended English-speaking hairdresser in Tbilisi, where I now live, whom I went to for silver highlights to help with the transition. I knew this would require multiple visits and cost me an arm and a leg.
She also knew all of that.
In addition, she also knew this would completely ruin my hair and told me so, her honesty gaining my trust, admiration and affection on the spot. We decided I would follow the cold-turkey path and we would trim it down regularly.
Unexpected blessing: This got my butt into gear with regards to other ways I may appease my stubbornly-lingering-in-the-background- not-leaving-the-scene vanity–I was exercising more and being more diligent with my water intake.
I also started considering little cheats like Botox and PRP (haven’t had botox for over a year but I totally will if I feel like it). It was a comforting idea.
Reactions from other people – all the different shades
Expected blessing: I had already learnt the hard way from a very early age that people will talk about you no matter what you do or don’t do, especially if they feel you have something on the inside (you can move things like Carrie etc), or something more tangible (you own Johnny Depp etc) that they don’t have, but that they want.
As a result, it had already been a very old habit of mine to pay attention to, but not necessarily take to heart, what people said, depending on many factors including ones such as (without judgement) the type of people they were, how positive, negative, kind or embittered in life they were in general. This outlook definitely helped in life when it came to learning through empathy–because everyone has precious wisdom and I have so much to learn–but was especially good in this going-gray context when it came to not being swayed by anything but my own inner voice.
Another point, which kind of relates to the point above, and one that brings me sadness, was that I also knew by now which of my ‘friends’ not to bother mentioning it to, as I knew they would only take this opportunity to try to deliver feedback aimed solely to hurt. They would disguise their ‘feedback’ as honest advice, humor or haha-sarcasm. Does this sound familiar to you?
With people like that, it’s never what they say that hurts me, it’s always why they say what they say that saddens me for their sakes–a person with inner peace will easily meet you in a space of joy, bringing along their own bliss to the party, even if they don’t agree with you.
But some people are just plain mean…
Most meanies don’t step into this world aspiring to be a meanie. I always believe meanness is the by-product of inner anguish and when such comments are made, mostly with badly-disguised glee, and sometimes unknowingly, by people who claim to love you and only want the best for you, it makes me feel bad for them… It also tempts me to slap them upside the head, but the years that brought on the gray have a habit of bringing on some wisdom too and, at the end, compassion wins and common sense creates the wind that blows into your sails as you drift further and further away from those meanies with prayers that they find some inner sunshine on their current journey in life. You love them but leave them behind and peace ensues.
Incidentally, if that struck a chord and you find yourself blushing right about now in a ‘guilty as charged’ kinda way, please dig deep and figure out what hurt you that made you want to hurt others too and thus take the first step to healing your heart. Allow people who love you to start liking you again.
Conclusion after three months of going gray
This going-silver has definitely been a very unexpected experience that cast bright sparkles not just in my hair but also lit me up within with many ‘aha’ moments.
Thank you my kind friends who practiced such love and mindful kindness when delivering your opinions, whether they were for or against dyeing. You know who you are. I love you.
Thank you my not-to-be-consulted friends who would have had mean things to say had you been able to. You probably don’t know who you are. Although there’s energetic distance between us I love you.
Thank you my beautiful silver sisters who have inspired me endlessly with your confidence, humor, strength and brilliance – shine on!!! I don’t know you but I love you.
And thank you Loverboy for being the inspiration to make my hair, and life, sparkle from the inside out. You know who you are as there is only one of you for me, forever. I love you.
To be continued with updates and more gray transition photos…
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PS: HappyHipi is my personal blog.
If you love love like I do, click away to check out my other passion, my Crazy Love Stories website, where I interview real couples and share the stories of how they fell in love. These stories aim to spread the energy of love into the world one heart at a time <3
Website: Crazy Love Stories
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And if you have a crazy love story of your own to share, hit me up!
With much love <3
Bianca Basak
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